1st choice dating com
Those guys who are 7's or 8's aren't hitting on women who are 3's and 4's -- he'd likely be rejected anyway since such women would likely intuit correctly that he can do lots better and would only be interested in "using" her for a short term fling, that she'd stand no chance of keeping him when the inevitable 8 or 9 came by.So men try and date up a little in mate value (though trying to stretch it too far constitutes trying to date way out of one's league), which inevitably means women date down in mate value.The marriage is based on her acceptance of his man as a husband as a sort of talisman against greater pain.My other favorite movie embodiment of the folly of this kind of choice is Scarlett O'Hara's first marriage to Charles Hamilton in Gone With the Wind.One difference being my second choice did not have the same success, and I have ended up the breadwinner (ala now he won't leave me, huh? The first I had a love with that I have never felt with my husband. The idea that everyone isn't unique and special, that everyone has a number (which is usually not 10) attached to them makes many bristle, but I think the idea of mate value accurately describes a person's value in the dating/mating market to members of the other sex.
I think the traditional western wedding ceremony acknowledges this aspect of the dynamics of how relationships get started in the first place by referring to one of the men she's *not* marrying as The Best Man, implying that the groom is some sort of Second Choice. She still thinks along those lines (brother and what not) but is serious about the pact.
Here's my favorite piece of dialogue from the movie MOONSTRUCK, where an adult, once-widowed daughter is telling her mother that she intends to marry again: Rose (the mom): Do you love him, Loretta? Such a woman--or, as we see here, the daughter of such a woman-- hurt by an earlier sense of abandonment or loss, might be driven to find a new man who she believes will never leave her.
[She looks at Cosmo, her unfaithful husband] Rose: When you love them they drive you crazy because they know they can.
Psychologists refer to man in this arrangement as a "second-choice husband."The "second-choice husband" is a sort of consolation prize awarded to--or seized by-- a woman who cannot win the man she truly or originally desired.
The second-choice husband is a stand-in, a substitution for the "real thing.""In this pattern," explain researchers, "The wife lived an adventurous, sexually free life while single.She then runs out of the room and accepts Charles Hamilton's proposal of marriage.