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14-Mar-2020 18:40

Similarly, during parts of the latter half of the 20 century, people once again began to use newspapers and magazines to make known their wishes to meet someone of the opposite sex.

These small blurbs appeared in the personals section.

Spending a couple of hours with someone who was unattractive and unappealing was not too much of a price to pay for the chance to have met someone who might be attractive and appealing.

It was also possible, sometimes, to do something that was entertaining, even with someone who was unattractive and unappealing.

These precautions seemed less important after the first few times a woman responded to these published invitations to meet.

It turned out the men they were introduced to this way were no more or less dangerous than men encountered for the first time in a bar, or even men whom they met through the recommendation of a friend. (A somewhat older, recently divorced, woman told me she was sitting with her date at a fancy restaurant when he took out his teeth and put them in a wine glass.) Being pro-active, as I usually am, I encouraged men and women, too, to try dating this way, although, certainly, only after taking reasonable precautions.

In another time and place, matchmakers would have been called upon to make the necessary arrangements; but no such social institution existed here in this country.

There was need for an organized way for young couples to meet for the first time. Way, way back in frontier days, men in the wilderness advertised in Eastern newspapers for a bride.

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There was a time when a proper young man and woman could not speak to each other unless they had been formally introduced. On the other hand, I understand from my patients that it is considered bad manners now for young people to date someone who has previously dated one of their friends.

Meetings in bars happened from time to time, but were considered somewhat dangerous—at least by the women. Colleges became co-ed, and young people were thrown together informally, making it easy to meet someone of the opposite sex. Instead of couples marrying in their early twenties, they married later.

Often men and women graduated college without yet entering into a serious, let alone permanent, relationship.

The advertisements in The Village Voice were different than those in the various Jewish newspapers and different, also, from those in the New York Magazine.

Someone answering ads in one place might be replying to an invitation to engage in some sort of sex. Others were directed at more sober individuals who were thinking of getting married somewhere down the line.

I remember, now, an experience I had when I was in medical school. After a time, she asked if I would accompany her to the theater. To be forward that way meant either that she was desperate or that she had tremendous self-confidence. When I met her, I decided she was probably desperate.



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