Dating a man who is not divorced yet
That said, the cheating probably happened because one or both people weren’t happy in the marriage, so again, the decision to separate wasn’t really an overnight decision. You don’t decide to move forward with a divorce, go to court the next week and then sign the papers the week after.
The divorce process can take months, even years, because it is a very very complicated, rollercoaster process where emotions and children and finances collide.
They are flexible with some of the criteria/qualities, such as, “I really want him to be over 6 feet, but if he isn’t I might be OK with it,” but other things are 100% musts. One of these musts/deal breakers for a lot of people is, “He/she MUST be officially divorced.” Maybe they fear that the person hasn’t grieved the divorce, or hasn’t been alone long enough, or maybe they think there’s still a chance he/she might get back together with the ex.
Or, maybe they think think he’s just covering up his pain with a Band-aid, the Band-aid being a new girlfriend.
Dating a guy who’s not divorced yet is risky, in some people’s opinions.
I say dating a guy who isn’t emotionally ready to date—divorce decree in hand or not, is risky.
Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.
My specific advice for my two readers (above) is: 1.
I think it would be very difficult to go back to being platonic friends with her boyfriend, so my advice would be to take things very slowly, continue to enjoy the relationship, but stay out of his divorce.